A selfish kind of love

I have seen and read a lot of quotes since becoming a Mum, and I guess before that without taking as much notice, about how Mothers are selfless and giving and all sacrificing for their children and families. While I think many actions and thoughts of Mothers make this true, lately I have been thinking, certainly about myself, that mine is a more selfish kind of love.

While I would give and sacrifice anything for them without question, I have lately realised that being their everything in return is what I have come to love…

Rightly or wrongly, the thought of them turning to someone or something else makes me a very unhappy Mummy!  While sometimes it may be suffocating and exhausting, I want to be the person they call in the night when they wake up afraid from a bad dream. I want to be the face they search for in the crowd. I want to be the one they run to when they have scraped their knee. The lap they want to sit on when they are tired or poorly. The cuddle they need before being able to go to sleep. The ear they seek for their troubles. The voice they listen to for advice. The hand they hold when they need stability. The heart they rely on for unconditional love. I want them to need me.

Being all these things has been, and continues to be, part of my parenting journey. I have realised lately though that I have however come to rely on this to validate my role as ‘stay at home Mum’, my reason for being at their beck and call.  My excuse for not doing anything else. Because they need me.  But really, I need them too.

Yet I know there will come a time, perhaps in the not too distant future, where they will start to spread their wings and want to fly solo. They will be able to cope without me. They will discover the joy and pride in doing something independently. Of realising they are stronger and braver than they thought.  They will turn to friends, other family members, teachers, dare I say girlfriends!, for support and love also. They will realise there is a big wide world out there for discovering and exploring. And I fear my selfish love will come back and bite me on the ass, so I had best start preparing to be a bit more willing to share them.

As my five year old said to me this week, “I’m a big boy now aren’t I?”  Yes you are my love. While they will both always be my babies, I think the time is coming to accept my boys are growing up and I need to make sure I am always being the encouraging, supportive and enthusiastic Mum who helps them to be their very best. They are still both so little so I don’t need to worry about letting them go just yet, but I should probably work on releasing my grip. Not too much, just a little bit. Sometime soon. Maybe 😉

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Rage against the…well anything really. Mostly Mummy!

Yesterday I spent a lovely morning with my two year old, a friend and her little one at a local farm and soft play.  Good fun in the soft play, no injuries, no accidents, it was all going swimmingly… The time came to leave…still all well…shoes and coats were put on…still all well… and then I said to little man “Lets change your nappy quickly before leave”… que MELTDOWN OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!!!

Dragged him to the baby changing (screaming)…changed his nappy (still screaming)…returned to soft play area to collect friends (still screaming)… tried to leave (which prompted a bit of rolling around on the floor screaming)…eventually left with him hauled over my shoulder (still screaming)…into the car (eventually as he puts up a bloody good fight…while still screaming)…drove home (now screaming less, interspersed by some whimpering)… got home and got out of car (started screaming again)…entered house and left said two year old on the lounge floor to get on with it (still screaming, obvs!).

We are talking about a good hour (minimum) of screaming, simply because I decided that leaving him to sit in his own sh!t was probably not very nice. What a hideous mother I am!!!…

He suddenly appears by my side in the kitchen, completely calm and normal, and says, “Look Mummy I’ve stopped crying. Sorry ‘bout that. Can I have some lunch?”

**Mother bangs her head against the wall. Repeatedly.**

The ridiculousness of it all, over a nappy change, led me to think about all the other ridiculous things he has kicked off about over recent weeks… and it is quite a list…

  1. Having to put socks on
  2. Not wearing any socks
  3. Wearing a coat
  4. Being stopped from running into the road
  5. Not liking the fact that Mr Maker was on CBeebies when the TV was turned on
  6. Finishing his toast
  7. Having to climb the stairs behind his brother
  8. The car door being wet (!!)
  9. The road being bumpy underneath his scooter
  10. Having his nose wiped
  11. Not being allowed to wear his muddy welly boots to bed
  12. His new toy sword not fitting in his pocket
  13. Being given blackcurrant squash instead of orange
  14. Being offered an umbrella in the rain
  15. The button already having been pressed at the green man crossing

I could go on, but you get the jist!!

In conclusion, the boy is an absolute lunatic. Or I guess he’s just being a two year old, overcome by life and emotions. And let’s face it, being two is tough! 😉

If anyone else out that is going through this rather testing (read: shitty!!) time, you’re not alone. I feel your pain. Let’s power through and hope there is wine and a more sane child somewhere in the near future. xx

Let’s hear it for the boys

I sometimes find that being the Mum of boys generates a strange response in some people.

I’ve lost count the amount of times people say “You must have your work cut out for you” (like boys are horrendous and girls are complete angels all the time…?!) , and “Hope you like sports and being outdoors then” (as obviously girls stay in all day brushing their hair and detest all sports…)

But the absolute thing I hate about being the Mum of boys is when people say, “ So will you have another one to try for a girl…?”

A), that’s absolutely none of your bloody business, and

B), having another baby just to tick a different gender box is, in my opinion, utterly idiotic and ridiculous.

A friend of mine recently had her third boy. I got a text telling me of his birth while I was with a group of other people and one actually said, out loud and everything, “Oh, was she hoping for a girl?”

The bloody cheek!! No love, she was hoping for a healthy child who she would love forever you fecking moron!!!!!

Personally, I simply cannot understand our cultures seeming obsession with having girls. When I became pregnant with my first son, I really wanted a boy. I was convinced he was a boy from the beginning (to the extent that I would have been shocked if he wasn’t!), and was so excited. I wouldn’t have minded either way, but I just had a feeling and I was so so happy to be on the blue team.  Even then, people would always say “Are you hoping it’s a girl?”, a few looked a bit disappointed for me when they found out I was having a boy, and as soon as he was here, the “will you try for a girl?” questions started… I find it bizarre!!

Fast forward two years to being pregnant with son number two and the same thing happened again, perhaps even more so because I already had one boy so why on earth would I be happy with another one…!?!

I love, love, love being a Mum of boys. They are fun, they are loving and affectionate, they are energetic and physical, they are clever, they are funny… I could go on… But I could also be describing a girl, right?

All the qualities I love about my boys aren’t gender specific so I don’t see why I am ‘missing out’ by not having a girl…?

Sure, there are some things that come with having a daughter that I might not get to do,  but I would hope that if I raise my boys right, they will meet and choose good wives who will both love me and regard me as an important part of their lives. As a wife myself, I know what qualities are important in a mother-in-law, and what qualities aren’t…!! (but that’s another post… 😉

If people want another child, they should do so because they have more love to give, can look after it properly and because they want to add to their family, not in my opinion, to have a specific gender. Gender stereotypes aside, a child in many ways is the same whether a boy or girl. Certain personality traits may emerge as being ‘gender specific’, and there are obviously the physical differences, but in the day to day, am I missing out by not having a daughter? I don’t think so.

I love my boys, they love me, I hope they will always look after me and treat the women in their lives properly because of how they have been raised. I’m sure in the blink of an eye they will be grown men with lives of their own, but my wish for them is to always be happy, to find love and happiness and success. In the excitement of life, I just hope they remember their dear old Mum loves them, and will forever be proud as being labelled a Mum of Boys.